Here's my weird and wonderful interview with one of my favourite authors, Chrissy Peebles. And would you believe it takes place in the South American Rainforest - Indiana Jones Style - Cyberspace of course.
Hi Chrissy. What on earth have you got me into, dragging me into a cyberspace version of the South American Rainforest? You know I'm allergic to insects. Ouch! Splat! That mosquito was enormous and it just bit me.
Hi Trish! You are such a wimp. Now put you're protection hat back on and let's dive into the world of Indiana Jones
Hugh? Are we going on a treasure hunt for Indy’s golden idol? *birds squawk, insects buzz, mist swirls, and sunlight streams through the rainforest canopy*
Thanks for interviewing me out here in the rainforest. I hope it wasn’t an inconvenience, Trish.
Well. I only took a cyber-train, cyber-plane,cyber- jeep, cyber-canoe and sailed down a cyber-river loaded with piranhas, hippos, and crocs. But anything to promote your book, right? *big grin* You owe me girl. I'm covered in cyber-bites.
*Motions around* Oh, don't be such a meanie bum, I thought this would be the perfect spot for the spirit of my book since it takes place in the jungle. Anyway, I just read your new book that's coming out any time soon. And it was full of gross stuff. I could hardly eat my dinner with some of the things Aunt Mabel cooked for that Pollyweena kid. So you ow me, Patricia Puddle.
*Smacks giant blowfly* Okay, okay, you don't have to shove me. I'll do it, I'll pretend it's great to be here on your stupid little expedition, but I’m allergic to insects, eww. I hope we find the hidden temple, and soon. *Big sigh* So let’s start this interview, shall we? Go ahead tell me about your book.
I’d love too. My book is called Agartha's Castaway. Three teenagers are shipwrecked in a strange tropical jungle…hey, kind of like this one.
*Yipes!* Uh, oh. I read your book. There better not be T-rexes in this jungle. Anyway, how does your novel differ from all the other YA books out there?
I think what makes the novel unique and different is the way it crosses dinosaurs with UFOs. It’s kind of like Jurassic Park MEETS Independence Day with Twilight-like romance.
I love the genre-bending. So what’s your favorite movie song?
It’s…uh, Trish, why are you staring at me like that?
Well, um, Chrissy, I’m trying not to stare but you’re wearing a rough, snapped brim brown fedora, safari clothes, boots, and a leather coat. I always knew you were a little weirdo like me.
Oh, what, this get up? I’m Indy. *Smiles and cracks a whip* Well, this outfit sure goes along with my favorite movie song--Indiana Jones. I also like Star Wars, Jurassic Park and The Neverending Story.
Sing in the rain or dance in the streets?
*Thunder cracks in the distance complete with pouring rain and flashing lightning.*
Oh, poo! My hair is wet now. Oh, well I'll sing you the theme song to Indiana Jones, then.
*smiles* I always knew you liked to sing, and you’re awesome, but could you try to sing a little bit better. You sound like Pollyweena Grubble, the MC in my upcoming children’s book. Her singing is so bad, she asked to mime.
Ha, ha. Hey,your mascara is running.
Poo! it was supposed to be waterproof. Oh, well, at least I don’t look like a drowned rat like you. So Chrissy. Tell everyone what makes you unique? Then they can have a good laugh like me. LOL.
Duh! We’re having an interview in the rain in the middle of the jungle aren’t we? I guess I’d have to say my imagination and humor.
Don’t forget the big wooden spoon you use, Chrissy.
What?
For poo stirring. Hahahaha. Sorry, now you can tell everyone something that you’re really good at?
*Adjusts wide-brimmed fedora* Why I give the best shots in the world.
What? And you’re proud of that?
Giving shots with no pain is a skilled craft. I swear I’ve given 5,000 of them in my nursing career.
*Covers butt* Okay, well just don’t think about giving me one. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
Funny girl! But guess what? I’ve actually cracked a concrete floor. Yes I have. When I was helping my husband to build our full brick house in the country. We did everything, just the two of us, and I cracked the slab when we poured the concrete, so there.
*Ducks under giant fern and smiles* Ah, you always have to be the best. Now, you’re stealing my lime light too, you bozo!!!
Well, you’re making me romp around the jungle. But sorry, I forgot this was your interview. Let’s continue, shall we? What if we run into a tiger or a giant anaconda?
Trust me.
Hey, isn’t that what Indy always says? Okay, next question. If you could be any character from the X-men, who would it be?
Think blue skin. Yellow eyes. Mutant shape shifter. I’d live in the Marvel universe, home to the most kick-butt superheroes in the galaxy. Any idea who I’m talking about? *smiles* Yep! Mystique from the X-men.
How about if you could be one of the characters from Lost?
Oh! I’d love to be Kate Austen. (Evangeline Lilly) She knows how to track people, goes on dangerous excursions, she works hard, kicks butt…and the chick just rocks!
Hang on, I'll just move this branch aside. Oh, cripes! There's a horrific stone sculpture of a Chachapoyan demon. and those vines and leaves are covering me. Geese, that black entrance looks like it's designed to look like open jaws. Chrissy, surely we’re not going in there? The freaking place is covered in spider webs!
Yep, we’re going in! So channel your “inner Laura Croft”. Or distract yourself by giving me the next question. *carries torch as she walks up the twisting, narrow passage from the main entrance. It’s wet, dark, and hanging with plants and stalactites. Whistling drafts and dripping water fill the air*
*Gasps* Oh my gosh, Trish, there's a big, hairy tarantula crawling up on my arm.
*Whack!* Don't be a baby. It's nothing more than a fly. I’m more freaked out by those thousands of snakes hissing and slithering everywhere.
I would like to now tell everyone that I’ll take snakes any day over spiders!
Dually noted!
Here's a torch, Trish. Wave it at anything that slithers.
Snakes. Why'd it hafta be snakes? *CLANG! Giant spikes spring together* Eeeeuuuew! I had to jump out of the way then. I think I hate booby traps even more!
Hey! Like you told me, don't be a baby.
*Points* But there's a skeleton impaled on that spike! We can’t go any further.
Now, Trish, we don't want to be discouraged by every little thing.
Okay, now you sound like the famous Indiana Jones himself. Okay, we need to be extra careful. And we really need to get on with this interview. Burger King or McDonalds?
I like the loaded Whopper better than the Big Mac and- *lets out long scream*
*Without warning Chrissy and Trish fall down a set of narrow stairs.*
Ouch! Shine the torch down here, will ya Chrissy? I think I broke something.
*shines torch downward as two idiots scream*
The floor is covered in human skeletons! I wanna go home. It’s dark, there’s spiders…and human bones. *crunching with each step* I’m not sure I’m liking your fantasy. So what made you become a fantasy writer anyway?
I love all genres. But to me, there’s no greater genre than fantasy. I also love that in fantasy I can push the envelope outside normal boundaries.
Push the envelope? Well, you certainly do that in all of your stories. And even here in real life, like bringing me out here to die in some Egyptian temple.
*Chrissy chuckles* No one is dying today.
*Chrissy motions inside a large, domed room with ten skylights shining beams on a black and white tiled floor* Let’s go inside! *walks to jeweled idol sitting on a polished stone altar* The statue, it's beautiful! Isn’t it, Trish?
Wow! We’re going to be rich!
*Chrissy reaches in jacket for a small canvas bag; and begins filling it up with dirt* Trust me, everything’s going to be okay. *Chrissy’s hands slowly inch closer toward idol*
Trust you, you greedy pig. Anyway, your hands are shaking. If you mess up, we’re dead. Try to distract yourself. Why don’t you tell me about your next project?
Good distraction. I have written the sequel to Agartha’s Castaway. I hope to have it out on Amazon Kindle soon. And I am ¾ of the way through a new adventure fantasy called, The Ruby Ring. It’s about a twenty-one year old girl named Sarah Larker who returns to a cave where her sister disappeared five years earlier. She walks through a portal and is mistaken for a runaway princess on the run by a dangerous Immortal king in medieval times. Her plan is bold as well as daring—become this princess, wed the king, and slip on an ancient wedding ring that will unlock the portal. Then find her sister and run as fast as she can out of Dodge. But taking on the identity of Princess Gloria comes along with dangerous consequences; and slipping on the ruby ring comes with an even higher price.
Chrissy, don’t take this the wrong way but you’re not exactly inspiring confidence with all those beads of sweat rolling down your face. You sure this is going to work?
Why wouldn't it? Keep me distracted by asking more questions. *makes the switch and grabs the idol*
Vampires or werewolves?
Definitely vampires. I have a thing for boys who sparkle.
*The cave rumbles and shakes* Hey! The swap didn’t work Chrissy!
Oops! *a huge boulder (form-fitted perfectly to the passageway) speeds toward us* Uh, Trish, we have a little problem.
*Gulps* Little?
Oh, crap! Runaway boulder. Run, Trish, run!
*Trish runs like hell.* You bloody idiot. I knew I shouldn’t have come here. What? You’re trying to kill me and I haven’t even published my next book yet. Goodonya! *Boulder passes by. *runs out of cave, brushing off dirt and pulling twigs out of her hair* That was close Chrissy! Let’s move on to the next question so I can get out of this nightmare. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
The Galapagos Islands. You can swim with giant mantas, turtles, dolphins, tuna, sea lions, and let’s not forget about the 32 species of sharks! White tip reef sharks, whale sharks, bull sharks, and large schools of hammerhead sharks swim throughout the clear waters.
Yipes! What about sharks? Your not scared of sharks?
No way. I think I’m more likely to be killed by lightning or a bee sting than by a shark attack. Swimming with sharks would be such a blast!
Yipes! *Native warriors in full battle paint carry long blow guns. A white man named Belloq dressed in safari gear speaks with a French accent.*
“Chrissy, you choose the wrong friends. This time it will cost you,” said Belloq. *Chrissy hands Belloq the idol*
“Chrissy, who is this weasel?”
“My competitor, stupid.”
“So, Chrissy,” said Belloq. “I have an interview question for you. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
Chrissy bites lip. “Super strength to kick your butt.”
“Yeah that would come in handy right about now,” said Trish.
“And you thought I'd given up,” said Belloq.
Chrissy (eyeing the natives) “Too bad they don't know you like I do, Belloq.”
(smiles) “Yes, too bad. You could warn them... if only you spoke Hovitos.” Belloq looks at the natives. “Kill them!”
Chrissy and Trish exchange a glance. *they bolt into the jungle as a rainstorm of poison darts and spears pass over their heads.
“Yipes! Chrissy, You never told me this interview would entail cliff diving! You know I’m a big coward and scaredy cat.
Sorry Trish. *angry yells radiate from the jungle* Jump into the river!
Do you like to sing in the shower?
Y----E----S! *voice echoes as Chrissy jumps off cliff*
SPLASH! Chrissy and Trish swim to the seaplane! *more arrows whiz past head as Trish climbs onto seaplane* Why did I agree to do this interview with you?
Because you love me? *smiles*
Trish pushes Chrissy. “Always”, bestest friend, but I don’t know why. We didn’t even get the golden idol.
Plane speeds off over the jungle.
Phew! Now that we're back at my place, Chrissy, how about we check out you book trailer? I bet it's over the top like you and your book.
Yep!
Sheesh! I'd hate to be those teenagers and I better not see a darn dino or UFO, Chrissy
Buy it now, you'll love it!
Quirky & delightful - a great read,
